Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The adults are the big ones right?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
