Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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