im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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