i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
