My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize