for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
