Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You dont lie about slip and slides
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
