You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
