i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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