Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my shit smells like andre
vagina is talking i cant
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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