I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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