Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
