My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize