I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
