I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
