i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
