i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
