Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
