How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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