can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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