Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
