Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize