Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
