So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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