Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize