Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
