Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
