Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
