You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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