Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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