How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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