My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
