WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just high enough for therapy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
