nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
