she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
