I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
