What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh god it's open bar.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
