Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
