it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
