I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
