what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
