please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
