is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The air taste purple.
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