i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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