So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I enjoy the company of your penis
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
