Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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