I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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