Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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