my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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