we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My feet surprised me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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