meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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