Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
