Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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