I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
