Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
