Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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