At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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