How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
