So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
