Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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