is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize