so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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