Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
