well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
