dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize