If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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